A Dave Barry quote.

"While I'm catching up on these developments, I turn on the programmable coffee maker. which I hope that someday, perhaps by attending community college,  I will learn to program.  Then I take a breakfast "sausage" of processed tofu from the freezer and pop into the microwave oven, which in seconds converts it from a frozen, unappetizing gray cylinder into a piping hot unappetizing gray cylinder. "

"Don't get me wrong.  I love technology.  I don't want to go back to the days when people had to churn their own butter  and make their own sausage, by going out to the barn and personally slaughtering tofus."

One of my favorite quotes from Burn Notice.

Fiona:  “Patricia, I want you to try something. It’s a little relaxation exercise that I do in situations like this. I want you to close your eyes and breathe deep. Picture a peaceful mountain stream. Can you do that? Now picture yourself drowning the kidnapper in the stream. You’re taking a rock from the stream and raising it above your head and with tremendous force you’re …”


Michael: “Fi!”

From the Big Bang Theory.

"How will 2 ding dongs tomorrow help me today? "

Howard.

Abby on NCIS.

"I love everything about Christmas, well, except that chipmunk song."